Funny Gift Collector T-Shirts

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

Ball as water-melon.

"...your clanking kept me awake all night."

Self-eating Chips

'Dang...too fast food!'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

Kissing the Fish

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

Balloon dog poos.

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

State of the Art Dog.

'Okay,stay close, and stay alert! Looks like we're heading into BIG CAT COUNTRY!'

'No, don't tell me...split personality.'

Cat has swallowed computer mouse.

"Well thank you, and may I say you look quite handsome too..."

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

The Portrait of Dorian Gray after one year in lockdown.

Chameleon and TV

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

"Ah yes… this is Mr Shipley, our new head of strategically placed objects."

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Odorant

'Not till you're sixteen.'

"For the missus or yourself?"

"Anatomy of a cat"

"Maybe that metal device we found with the paleolithic stone tools WAS a ray gun!"

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'