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101 uses of a dead cat: signpost

Speed Dating for Turtles

Cheeze Wiz.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

Ball as water-melon.

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

Balloon dog poos.

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

Kissing the Fish

'Head down...eye on the ball...'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

State of the Art Dog.

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

The Portrait of Dorian Gray after one year in lockdown.

Cat has swallowed computer mouse.

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'No, don't tell me...split personality.'

"Well thank you, and may I say you look quite handsome too..."

'Okay,stay close, and stay alert! Looks like we're heading into BIG CAT COUNTRY!'

"Ah yes… this is Mr Shipley, our new head of strategically placed objects."

Chameleon and TV

"Anatomy of a cat"

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

"Psychiatric convention"

Drunk Woman Sees Pink Elephants in her Garden.

"Maybe that metal device we found with the paleolithic stone tools WAS a ray gun!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

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