Joke Gift Collector Pillows

"For the missus or yourself?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Useless add-ons.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

Irritable trowel syndrome.

Ball as water-melon.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Shark infested custard!

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Cheating Death.

My daddy ate my homework

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'