Joke Gift Collector Pillows

"For the missus or yourself?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Speed Dating for Turtles

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Useless add-ons.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

Ball as water-melon.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

My daddy ate my homework

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Shark infested custard!

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"Turn your head and cough."