Quirky Gift Collector Pillows

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"

It was a hot day, and at the last minute ha had decided not to wear his piano-resistant hat.

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

Lost and Found - Missing Head.

'Suddenly Jake was confronted by the dreaded raffler'

"A heart would be great, sure, but what I'd really like is a working human penis."

AI achieves self awareness.

'Radio active depleted uranium dump'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

State of the Art Dog.

Astronaut Smoking In Space

'Trust me. He's far more effective than any drain cleaner and he doesn't contain any environmentally dangerous toxins.'

Laudrocat

"When you picked up your car, Mr. Ferguson, after we did the hoses, did you see Luther's shoes?"

'This is the last time I let my friends set me up.'

A Scottish Terrier playing bagpipes wins the dog show.

"He's very conflicted. He's a Sado-Masochist on pain killers."

"Monica! I recognized you immediately by your varicose veins!"

Chameleon and TV

"Ah yes… this is Mr Shipley, our new head of strategically placed objects."

Worst Jumper From the Mother-In-Law Competition.

Holiday Misses

'You certainly have a well equipped work bench.'

That time of month, nasally.

'She'll have you for breakfast, mate.'

Chinese burial.

Feeding The Lions At The Zoo

"Your car won't be ready until it changes it's attitude."

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

Very, very young synchronized swimmers.

DIY Eclipse

Big game hunting in France.

This new diet lets me stop smoking and lose weight...I eat my cigarettes!

Zombie Christmas

Prisoner does Shot Put with an Ankle Ball and Chain