Ironic Gift Collector Pillows

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

Santa eating a reindeer.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

A mini mobster flushing a goldfish with concrete shoes

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Ball as water-melon.

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

Kissing the Fish

Balloon dog poos.

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

State of the Art Dog.

Cat has swallowed computer mouse.

'Okay,stay close, and stay alert! Looks like we're heading into BIG CAT COUNTRY!'

The Portrait of Dorian Gray after one year in lockdown.

'No, don't tell me...split personality.'

"Well thank you, and may I say you look quite handsome too..."

Chameleon and TV

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

"Ah yes… this is Mr Shipley, our new head of strategically placed objects."

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

'Not till you're sixteen.'

"Maybe that metal device we found with the paleolithic stone tools WAS a ray gun!"

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Odorant

"Anatomy of a cat"

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"