Ironic Gift Collector Pillows

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

Santa eating a reindeer.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

A mini mobster flushing a goldfish with concrete shoes

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Speed Dating for Turtles

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cheeze Wiz.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Ball as water-melon.

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

Kissing the Fish

Balloon dog poos.

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

'Head down...eye on the ball...'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

State of the Art Dog.

Cat has swallowed computer mouse.

'No, don't tell me...split personality.'

The Portrait of Dorian Gray after one year in lockdown.

"Well thank you, and may I say you look quite handsome too..."

'Okay,stay close, and stay alert! Looks like we're heading into BIG CAT COUNTRY!'

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

Chameleon and TV

"Ah yes… this is Mr Shipley, our new head of strategically placed objects."

"Are you the pickle guy or the baby guy?"

Odorant

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"Anatomy of a cat"