Ironic Gift Aficionado Pillows

"Thank you, Darling...."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"Pencil eraser."

Captionless: A fisherman is handed his bobbin and fishing hook by a octopus

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

I love you Geyser...

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"I can't afford to feed you."

Fast Food Menus

A pianist uses a frog as a page turner.

Giant sandwich bags.

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

'Maybe you should try flowers?'

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"I'm lost. Also, I accidentally unplugged something."

So what else did you get for your birthday?

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

'What I really want, Santa, is a front row seat for the Olympic Beach Volleyball games.'

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

'We tried everything...I'm afraid your husband's going to be a human.'

Tunnel of Dove.

Modern Day Cannibals

"Violets are blue Roses are red Enjoy the dead mouse I hid in your bed"

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Great Moments in Beer

Chilli Quartet

Interrupted Shower.

"Hey look! It perfectly matches the virtual pot plant I gave you last year!"