Ironic Gift Lovers Pillows

Satan receiving a Christmas wish list.

Tunnel of Dove.

"Could you forward it to my offshore account?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

I didn't realize our pitch had such a lovely view...

"I can't afford to feed you."

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

Hissy-fits for sale.

Fast Food Menus

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"I'm going to have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station!"

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

'You're not from around here, are you?'

An Anarchist's Christmas

"The 10th anniversary gift is tin. I got Ralph a new tinfoil hat. He's more sedate with the extra channels."

Beer Belly/Vodka Elbow

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

'I'm sorry, buddy, but I ran out of bandicoots around Belgium.'

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

Nail Bar

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

'And you get this free.'

"It was heaven before this."