Ironic Gift Lovers Gifts

Satan receiving a Christmas wish list.

Tunnel of Dove.

"Could you forward it to my offshore account?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

I didn't realize our pitch had such a lovely view...

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"I can't afford to feed you."

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"I'm going to have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station!"

Fast Food Menus

Hissy-fits for sale.

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

'You're not from around here, are you?'

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

'I'm sorry, buddy, but I ran out of bandicoots around Belgium.'

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

"The 10th anniversary gift is tin. I got Ralph a new tinfoil hat. He's more sedate with the extra channels."

Beer Belly/Vodka Elbow

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

Nail Bar

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.

'And you get this free.'

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

"It was heaven before this."

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"