Ironic Gift Fans Pillows

'I bought a wireless, reading glasses locator, but I can't find it without my glasses.'

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Sudoku toilet paper

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

The Land Before Time.

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

Fast Food Menus

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

An Anarchist's Christmas

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

Tunnel of Dove.

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

Snowman shoots another with a hairdryer.

"I'm not sure what kind of luck this is."

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

"Okay, hold really still..."

Tequila Mocking Bird

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

'And you get this free.'

'Oh, good - you brought The Broom of Honesty, Dignity and Self Respect.'

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

Every Easter the chickens would play the same old joke on Farmer Brown