Ironic Gift Fan Pillows

A man goes insane from receiving too many ties.

'Emotionally there has been a vacuum in Nancy's life for some time now...'

"Okay, hold really still..."

Sleeping on the job.

'Oh, good - you brought The Broom of Honesty, Dignity and Self Respect.'

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Hey, I think I found something. Heavy metal detector.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

Oh yeh? Well at least he doesn't get fleas.

'Yes, it's just a little volume.'

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Wind turbine and leaf blower.

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

Never give a cow a giant straw.

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

'You should work for Conglomo. You're allowed the vegetable of your choice.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

Man with desk wrapped as a Christmas present.

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

'Are you going exploring or retrieving a duck?'

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'