Quirky Gift Fan Pillows

"Admit it, we're lost."

"It's a symbiotic relationship. I feed him seeds and berries, and he pecks out the eyes of my enemies."

Never give a cow a giant straw.

'You should work for Conglomo. You're allowed the vegetable of your choice.'

Toast kidnapper.

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

Auto Diagnostic Center.

Danger - Quicksand.

Hearse with a 'doctor on call' sign in the window

Your Sculpture while you wait.

"It's bee fifty years. I guess you really can't compare apples to oranges."

Surgeon picking nails with a scalpel.

'Any particular brand of painkiller?'

Cold Judgmental Stares $1

Succeed.

Wind turbine and leaf blower.

"I tried to warn you Carl, he's a 5th dan black belt in origami...!"

Jacuzzi

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

"Maybe you should worry less about kryptonite and more about office doughnuts."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

"No change, but I think I found a mess of fingers."

Self-eating Chips

FBI Juvenile Division

"Will claw up your furniture and poop on your bed for food."

I hate to bother you on a holiday but I’m freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?

"Just one last touch!"

Boy arrested for 'putting a stone' through a window

"Honestly, 'Bill' you should be flattered that out of 400 trillion life forms, we want to examine your rectum."

A man sits on a street corner with a toupee in front of him."

'It happened this morning when I found a light saber pen in a box of cereal.'

A balloon about to be executed by darts.

'Would you like some wallet-sizes?'

'The Ugoola's wheel is bigger than ours!'