Quirky Gift Fan Pillows

"Admit it, we're lost."

"It's a symbiotic relationship. I feed him seeds and berries, and he pecks out the eyes of my enemies."

'My instruments indicate you have water on the knee.'

Never give a cow a giant straw.

'You should work for Conglomo. You're allowed the vegetable of your choice.'

Toast kidnapper.

'He's a very compassionate cat. He never kills any of the animals he catches.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

Auto Diagnostic Center.

"Okay, next I'm going to text your reflexes."

Danger - Quicksand.

Your Sculpture while you wait.

Hearse with a 'doctor on call' sign in the window

Succeed.

Cold Judgmental Stares $1

Surgeon picking nails with a scalpel.

'Any particular brand of painkiller?'

"Hand over your Purell."

"I tried to warn you Carl, he's a 5th dan black belt in origami...!"

"Wow. Twistable clubs and a swearing megaphone. Now my golf game has everything."

"It's bee fifty years. I guess you really can't compare apples to oranges."

Wind turbine and leaf blower.

Jacuzzi

'Mr. Pennrose isn't so bad...when he gives someone a pink slip, he always draws a smiley face on it.'

Water skier with a periscope appearing between his legs

'Don't come any closer doctor... or I'll shout down your stethoscope!'

Blind Cyclist

'You want five dollars to buy a cup of coffee?', 'Yeah -- I want to have it at 'Hooters.''

"...And its dish-washer proof"

'Left or right hand?'

Factory Candle Outlet: Free flame with every candle purchase.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

'5 teeth or less.'

Barry the dung beetle waited in nervous anticipation.

101 uses of a dead cat: toilet brush