Ironically Funny Gift Lover Pillows

'I'm putting you on my own personal diet.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"It is my place!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

"I'm going to have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station!"

Fast Food Menus

Hissy-fits for sale.

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

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'You're not from around here, are you?'

Jill was thrilled to receive a gift from Interflora, the romantic margarine delivery service.

Beer Belly/Vodka Elbow

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

"The 10th anniversary gift is tin. I got Ralph a new tinfoil hat. He's more sedate with the extra channels."

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

Tunnel of Dove.

About Santa 2017.

'I'm sorry, buddy, but I ran out of bandicoots around Belgium.'

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

Father Goldfish: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

'And you get this free.'

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

"A birthday gift card? Really?"