Ironic Gift Appreciator Pillows

'You'll find this ideal for brushing the dust off that set of encyclopaedias I sold you last week.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

"Shouldn't have, you really."

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

Big business is not evil

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

"I can't afford to feed you."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Viking with bike handlebars on helmet.

Fast Food Menus

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

Chilli Quartet

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Tunnel of Dove.

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

Theatre. I told you that play was going to be boring.

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

'And you get this free.'

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

"...so you then developed an addiction to buying toilet rolls. Wasn't that rather expensive?"

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"I sense a change in the weather! So I bought you this..."

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

Crap Stuff Shop.