Ironic Gift Appreciator Gifts

'You'll find this ideal for brushing the dust off that set of encyclopaedias I sold you last week.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

Rent a Room With Hot Water

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

Big business is not evil

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

"I can't afford to feed you."

Viking with bike handlebars on helmet.

Fast Food Menus

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

Tunnel of Dove.

Chilli Quartet

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

"...so you then developed an addiction to buying toilet rolls. Wasn't that rather expensive?"

'And you get this free.'

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

"I sense a change in the weather! So I bought you this..."

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

Crap Stuff Shop.