Collecting Witty Cards Gifts

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.

"You can always count on me."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

'I'd like three dozen friendship cards -- this war has gone on long enough.'

Happy Valentine's Day

Lesser Known Active Volcanoes.

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

Greeting Cards

"Write 'Get back to work, Simmons!' Sign it 'Warmly, Mr. Johnson' and 'P.S. get well.'"

"Before you go inside, give me a chance to explain the mess ..."

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

Parp!

'You don't have to be a cow to work here...BUT IT HELPS!'

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

Tooty-Fruity

"Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! My last words were pretty naf."

At death's door

'It's a new miracle pill made from 'get well' cards.'

Kebab doner card

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

'Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid...CUPID?!'

'FYI - this pan is bulletproof.'

'Since we're bears, when can we start mauling people?'

'Irony Board"

"Where do you keep the cards with the money in them?"

Greeting cards for street crazies.

"So... think we can get our money back for the get well card we bought him?"

'Why do I go out with a short, fat, bald guy like you? Well for one thing, you make me look good.'

Cards for All Occasions. Wedding Get-Well Grads Sympathy Congrats Friendship. It's for a friend who's having an operation and it's going to be covered by his HMO. Would that be "Get Well" or "Congratulations"?

"Yo, Benny, how's the ticker?"