Collecting Witty Cards Gifts

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.

"You can always count on me."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

'I'd like three dozen friendship cards -- this war has gone on long enough.'

Lesser Known Active Volcanoes.

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

"Write 'Get back to work, Simmons!' Sign it 'Warmly, Mr. Johnson' and 'P.S. get well.'"

Greeting Cards

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

'You don't have to be a cow to work here...BUT IT HELPS!'

Parp!

"Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! My last words were pretty naf."

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

Kebab doner card

At death's door

'It's a new miracle pill made from 'get well' cards.'

'Since we're bears, when can we start mauling people?'

'FYI - this pan is bulletproof.'

'Irony Board"

"Where do you keep the cards with the money in them?"

"Yo, Benny, how's the ticker?"

'No more for him mate. He's driving.'

"So... think we can get our money back for the get well card we bought him?"

'Why do I go out with a short, fat, bald guy like you? Well for one thing, you make me look good.'

Mime Christmas Cards - Blank Inside.