Clergy With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

Minister's File

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

A virtue of vicars

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

Church Open 51 Sundays Per Year, Closed Superbowl Sunday

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."