Clergy With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

A virtue of vicars

Minister's File

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

Church Open 51 Sundays Per Year, Closed Superbowl Sunday