Clergy Humorist Pillows

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Pope tarts.

How's my sermon. . .

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The ten ammendments

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

"...and in conclusion..."

Bishops Snooker

Sermon Applause.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'Even More Disciples'

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

Applause

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'