Clerical Comedian Pillows

'Somehow, I thought it would be different for me up here.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

St. Elmo's fired.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Sermon Applause.

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Bront?saurus.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Applause

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Holy Guacamole.

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'