Clerical Comedian Pillows

'Somehow, I thought it would be different for me up here.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

St. Elmo's fired.

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

Pope tarts.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Sermon Applause.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Bront?saurus.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Applause

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Holy Guacamole.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

You may have hired the best lawyer but I don't think that you can sue God because of a downgoing Dow Jones, sir.

The Pope

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'