Clinical Comedian Pillows

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"So are the results not very good?"

'I'm going to prescribe a sedative for those worry warts.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Vlad the Inhaler

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Cat Scan

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."