Clinical Comedian Pillows

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"So are the results not very good?"

'I'm going to prescribe a sedative for those worry warts.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Cat Scan

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Gross."

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."