Clinical Comedy Fan Pillows

'He'll need some blood thinner immediately, but go grab me a sandwich first.'

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

'A student nurse drew my blood and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"Gross."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'