Classic Tale Humorist Gifts

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

"The Armour seems okay, it must be a touch of rheumatism."

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

"It's alright for you - I'm a fictional character."

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

"Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?"

Poor Walt - they don't make em like him anymore.

Goldilocks and the Three Stooges

Restricted: Do Not Cross

American Gothic lol

Auroch drawing cave paintings.

Early Selfies

"You just keep him away from my kid, okay?"

'I think this might explain the disappearing frog population.'

Sir Louie the Bench-Warmer pumps up the home crowd, and the tide of battle begins to turn.

"OK, high jinks - if I plead guilty to high jinks how much time do I get?"

The Life of the Party

'The three little pigs attended a professional development seminar on dealing with bullies and they were never bothered by the big bad wolf again.'

'Who ordered the caesar salad?'

"I'm old school. Instead of ranting on social media, I just scream in people's faces."

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

'Hi it's me - I'm on the wall...'