Antique Humorist Gifts

For Bob, every date was a limited edition

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

Vlad the Impala

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

"Yours is adjustable?"

Stonehenge Explained

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

After the gun ban, the guys still liked to go out and horse around on weekends.

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"