Legendary Humorist Gifts

"Shady Godiva"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Apples for sale

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

Stonehenge Explained

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.