Noteworthy Humorist Gifts

Post-It Traumatic Stress Disorder

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"The Eggsorcist"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

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Kultural K9's.

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"