Noteworthy Humorist Gifts

Post-It Traumatic Stress Disorder

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"The Eggsorcist"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

Kultural K9's.

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"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.