Classical Humorist Gifts

Men talking about weight

Conductor with cat of nine tails

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

Stonehenge Explained

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

Great Moments in Computing #192: Newton discovers the computer.

'Well, if he can't be a Minuteman, he can be a minutedog.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

After the gun ban, the guys still liked to go out and horse around on weekends.

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

Finally! A cure for the common cold!