Classic Comedian Gifts

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Primitive magician

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

Dante Alighieri

Time Travelers from the 21st Century.

Pull my finger.

Gunswinger

"Caw blimey Missus"-"He's a Carry-On Crow"

A Women Falls Into A Brook.

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

"Shaketh."

Buster Keaton

"Hi Honey, I'm Holmes"

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

Concerto for Two Horns

Early American Think Tank.

Laurel and Hardy police protection - "And don't worry about informing on the mob. I've arranged that two of my men give you 24 hour proctection."

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

'Could you straighten my little brother out? -- he has the Trinity mixed up with the Three Stooges.'

Poor Walt - they don't make em like him anymore.

Early mobile phones

Notary

Goldilocks and the Three Stooges

"I've been out on the North forty, Sarah. It's a lot like the South forty."