Classic Comedians Gifts

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Galileo, I've had about enough of all your gravity experiments!"

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

Football Delivery

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

Concerto for Two Horns

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

Buster Keaton

'Could you straighten my little brother out? -- he has the Trinity mixed up with the Three Stooges.'

Laurel and Hardy police protection - "And don't worry about informing on the mob. I've arranged that two of my men give you 24 hour proctection."

Goldilocks and the Three Stooges

Laurel & Hardy

'You'll never be as good as Morecambe and Wise,'

It went out. The program must have crashed.

"For Christmas you got me a roll of wrapping paper? And you wrapped it?"

Music

"OK, high jinks - if I plead guilty to high jinks how much time do I get?"

'I'm not too happy about this new identity you lot have given me!'

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over

'Is this the remains of last Sunday's beef roast, or something left over from the dawn of creation?'

Moe-hawk.

'Who ordered the caesar salad?'

'La Donna E Mobile.'

Road Safety

'Coffee, doughnuts, cigarettes'

'The feedback on the extended opening hours was generally excellent, although some people feel we should provide croissants and coffee in the morning and a little late supper in the evening.'