Enthusiast Of Classic Humor Gifts

"Yes, I do read the obituaries - well, none of us want to be first, do we?"

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'Too cheap to buy me real flowers, huh?'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

The Enemy

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'Don't believe everything you read.'

Dante Alighieri

"No, now all of out pillaging is done electronically from a centralized office."

Fun on the pyramids

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'My mom invented baths!'

'Rona Lisa

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

The Height of Impudence.

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.

The hangman's badinage

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

Col. Lionel Bellum.

A rake jumps from a window onto a horse

"The battle for the living room war about to heat up."