Enthusiast Of Classic Humor Pillows

"Yes, I do read the obituaries - well, none of us want to be first, do we?"

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Too cheap to buy me real flowers, huh?'

The Enemy

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'Don't believe everything you read.'

Dante Alighieri

"No, now all of out pillaging is done electronically from a centralized office."

Fun on the pyramids

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'My mom invented baths!'

'Rona Lisa

The Height of Impudence.

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

She says she's the courtroom sketch artist.

The hangman's badinage

Col. Lionel Bellum.

"The battle for the living room war about to heat up."

Buster Keaton

A rake jumps from a window onto a horse

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'