City Dweller Humorist Gifts

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"The view is all prewar brick."

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

The Denouement is Nigh!

'It's not snow, it's pigeons'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Hoodie Hang-out

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Turtle Trailer Court

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Thank god we're out of the city."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

This is where Brent council sends you

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Robinia Floribunda

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"It's been a rainy winter."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

'I told you it was a stupid idea getting a pet lemming.'

Cook complaining to milkman

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Chugger

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

'Do you think there's still a culture of sexism in the city?'

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)