City Humorist Gifts

Eskimo hunting for food in the manhole in the busy city

Pick Your Own Cannabis.

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

Manhole Warning

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Cook complaining to milkman

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

'Parish Council, working towards obsolescence'

"Actually, my political philosophy is pretty simple: 'Practice Random Gridlock and Senseless Acts of Partisanship!'"

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

"It's our duty to vote, but it's their duty to find someone worth voting for!"

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger

"This parking space ain’t big enough for the two of us."