City Comedian Gifts

'See here. I think honey bees are a public nuisance, and I intend to have them banned from the city.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'Hello, security? I'd like to report a giant hairy belly button outside my window.'

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

Conflicted Chief

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

Keister Island

Trump in Washington

An orchestra cymbalist is tempted by a fly.

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Cook complaining to milkman

Campaign Headquarters: For a $500 contribution, the candidate will shake your hand ans sustain eye contact with you for five seconds.

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Manhole Warning

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"We were going to adopt a highway, but Rachel thought there would be less red tape if we adopted an overpass."

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

Where did birds rest before utility wires?