City Comedian T-Shirts

'See here. I think honey bees are a public nuisance, and I intend to have them banned from the city.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

'Hello, security? I'd like to report a giant hairy belly button outside my window.'

Keister Island

An orchestra cymbalist is tempted by a fly.

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"We were going to adopt a highway, but Rachel thought there would be less red tape if we adopted an overpass."

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Cook complaining to milkman

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Campaign Headquarters: For a $500 contribution, the candidate will shake your hand ans sustain eye contact with you for five seconds.

Manhole Warning

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"