City Life Humorist Gifts

"Hey, is this great traffic, or what?"

The Insanity Plea.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"And I always thought it was out in the woods someplace."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Hoodie Hang-out

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Peter

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"Thank god we're out of the city."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

From Here You Can See Bugger All

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

This is where Brent council sends you

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

Rocket charmer.

'Hello, security? I'd like to report a giant hairy belly button outside my window.'

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

'I'm bored.'

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

'The cows are out and are not expected back.'

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Cook complaining to milkman

Castle with parking lot.

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."