Cityscape Humorist Gifts

'It's a terrible pitch but you can't beat the view.'

Road Sharks.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Hoodie Hang-out

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Thank god we're out of the city."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

This is where Brent council sends you

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

Cook complaining to milkman

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

Chugger

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

'Do you think there's still a culture of sexism in the city?'

'Damn! Sex and the City is not on tonight.' 'Does that mean no sex in the suburbs tonight either?'

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'