Urban Humorist Gifts

"Are you here about the sublet?"

"What's gray and dumpy and sits on a park bench?"

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

Will wish you a nice day...In EnglishIn Spanish.

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'Unbelievable money maker.'

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

Alien has his flying saucer tires stolen on the bad side of town.

Dodgy Geezers.

Boob tube (London underground).

'Bloody Chelsea tractors.'

Cars and Bed of Nails

Refresh Instagram your way to success

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'I've got to have some for my nest.'

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

A drive-by hooting.

Cook complaining to milkman

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

On this site will be constructed a 38-story luxury mausoleum

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

Cars.

Traffic Lights Medicine