Urban Living Humorist Gifts

"Sorry I'm late, train crashed again."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Turtle Trailer Court

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Sign Reform

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

Cars.

Robinia Floribunda

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"It's been a rainy winter."

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Cook complaining to milkman

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

Manhole Warning

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger