Urban Humor Gifts

Plane annoys penthouse apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

Cars.

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Cook complaining to milkman

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

Manhole Warning

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

A drive-by hooting.

'I've got to have some for my nest.'