City Humorist Pillows

Eskimo hunting for food in the manhole in the busy city

Pick Your Own Cannabis.

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Manhole Warning

Cook complaining to milkman

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

'Parish Council, working towards obsolescence'

"Actually, my political philosophy is pretty simple: 'Practice Random Gridlock and Senseless Acts of Partisanship!'"

Chugger

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

"It's our duty to vote, but it's their duty to find someone worth voting for!"