City Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Seagull problems

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

Cars.

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Walk, Don't Walk, Laugh.

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Cook complaining to milkman

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

'I always thought wine came from half-empty bottles left in the park.'

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

Chugger

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

Plane annoys penthouse apartment.

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'