City Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Seagull problems

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

Cars.

Walk, Don't Walk, Laugh.

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Cook complaining to milkman

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Gets A Job

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

'I always thought wine came from half-empty bottles left in the park.'

Plane annoys penthouse apartment.

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'