City Humor Fanatic Pillows

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

A dog on the sidewalk has a 'walk me' sign, begging for a walk.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

Cars.

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Cook complaining to milkman

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Gets A Job

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

Chugger

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

Plane annoys penthouse apartment.

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

"Great, but where are they going to get the money to pay for them?"

A drive-by hooting.

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'

CR was here. Tony rules! Hello, I'm a Nigerian general's widow. I have a large amount of securities that I need to transfer. Graffiti was bad enough, but now we have graffiti spam!