City Humor Fanatic Pillows

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

A dog on the sidewalk has a 'walk me' sign, begging for a walk.

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

Cars.

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Cook complaining to milkman

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

Chugger

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

Plane annoys penthouse apartment.

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

"Great, but where are they going to get the money to pay for them?"

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

Alien has his flying saucer tires stolen on the bad side of town.

A drive-by hooting.

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'