City Humor Appreciator Gifts

Man thanks bird for pooping in his donation cup.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

Cars.

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Bus of Fools

Cook complaining to milkman

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

A Day at the Comics Bar

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

Free jukebox...

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

Fallopian Tube

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

'How very Putney!'