Apartment Dweller Humorist Gifts

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Complaints at the Beehive Condo

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

William and Real Estate

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

The lessor of two evils.

Affordable housing

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Broken chairs, unmade beds, porridge everywhere... and a one-star review. Worst Airbnb customer ever."

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'Couldn't you people have a dog or a cat for a pet?'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Fire Alarm

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'A thief stole your key? Rats, I'll have to change the lock and reissue keys to the thousands of tenants...'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

"Were you aware you'll need to sign over your wife & kids as collateral in order to secure this property?"

"Hello, county? You folks are over doing the mosquito fogging today!"

House with Damp Problem.

"Honey? You'd better get home. The toilet's backed up again."