Apartment Life Humorist Gifts

Complaints at the Beehive Condo

Mime tip #37: The noisy upstairs neighbors won't hear your invisible broom knocking.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

Ant Drones

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"Broken chairs, unmade beds, porridge everywhere... and a one-star review. Worst Airbnb customer ever."

"When my grandad retired you got a gold watch, I was told I could pop back and ask the time when they weren't too busy for me."

The lessor of two evils.

Rocket charmer.

Cleaner, scrubs floor with her name plate in front of her.

"Hayward and his whole deal have just been dumped in my lap."

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'Couldn't you people have a dog or a cat for a pet?'

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Castle with parking lot.

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

'A thief stole your key? Rats, I'll have to change the lock and reissue keys to the thousands of tenants...'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'