Apartment Life Humorist Gifts

Complaints at the Beehive Condo

Mime tip #37: The noisy upstairs neighbors won't hear your invisible broom knocking.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

Ant Drones

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

Rocket charmer.

"Broken chairs, unmade beds, porridge everywhere... and a one-star review. Worst Airbnb customer ever."

"Hayward and his whole deal have just been dumped in my lap."

The lessor of two evils.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"When my grandad retired you got a gold watch, I was told I could pop back and ask the time when they weren't too busy for me."

Cleaner, scrubs floor with her name plate in front of her.

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

'Couldn't you people have a dog or a cat for a pet?'

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Castle with parking lot.

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'