Humorist Landlord Gifts

The lessor of two evils.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Pest Control

Complaints at the Beehive Condo

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Is the fire included?'

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

William and Real Estate

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'