Rental Property Humorists Gifts

'Water is included with rent.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Is the fire included?'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Real estate.

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

"We're thinking of downsizing."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'