Humorist Landlord Pillows

The lessor of two evils.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Pest Control

Complaints at the Beehive Condo

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Is the fire included?'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

William and Real Estate

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

"Broken chairs, unmade beds, porridge everywhere... and a one-star review. Worst Airbnb customer ever."