Leaseholder Humorist Pillows

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

Pest Control

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Complaints at the Beehive Condo

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"Efficiency tombs available"

'Is the fire included?'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

William and Real Estate

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'