Landlord Humor Gifts

William and Real Estate

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Pest Control

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Is the fire included?'

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

Real estate.

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

The lessor of two evils.

Affordable housing

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

'It's okay, there's a six-figure carpeting allowance.'

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

'This is built on an historic location. It was the first garbage dump in the country.'

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

Hey, I told you not to buy that timeshare.

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'A thief stole your key? Rats, I'll have to change the lock and reissue keys to the thousands of tenants...'